So... What do YOU do?

It's a question I somewhat dread. You're standing at the party, and the "look at that weather, huh?" small talk has run out. So, the next small talk conversation: jobs.

They turn to me, smiling and ask "So... what do YOU do?" I used to say, "I'm a nurse." Then, the person I am telling would smile and say, "Oh, what a wonderful job. Nurses are just such angels." No doubt, they have visions of me saving babies and healing the innocents of the world. Um... not so much.

So, now, before they have time to cannonize me as Saint Emily of the Helpful Soul, I answer, "I'm a nurse at the jail," or if it is someone who has that Holier Than Thou air about them, I throw out the fact that I run the medical department. It doesn't really matter, because they all get this horrified look on their faces when I say it. I know in their mind, they are hearing that part in "Silence of the Lambs" when they talk about Hanibal Lecter eating the nurses tongue in the jail and his heart rate never going up.

After a moment of stunned silence, they recompose themselves and say the same thing, every time. "Oh, that must be an interesting job."

Lady, we just had a transsexual yell at us because he isn't getting his premarin and if I get told once a day someone is going to sue me, it's a slow day. I've had a crazy pregnant chick on crack try to attack me and the DOCTOR took her down!!! I've yelled at a probable serial killer. I've been yelled at by more than one! I've learned more about hiding places for drugs on the human body than I EVER wanted to. I've learned what street names for drugs are. I've got a hand-drawn Christmas card featuring Charlie Brown on it from a guy who is serving 30-something years. I've learned that most any pill can be crushed and snorted (even if it doesn't do anything, it just seems to make them happy to do it). I've seen boils in places I NEVER wanted to see.

Interesting doesn't quite do it justice!!! But, it is the most fun job I've ever had. There is no way in the world I could go back to being a normal nurse now!!

The next question: "Don't you get scared?"  My first day, I thought I was doing really great. I was just amazed that I wasn't more nervous. Then, I looked down at the pack of meds I was holding, and realized my hands were shaking. So much for calm, cool and collected!!

But, after a while, I came to realize I feel safer (and am safer) than anywhere I've ever worked. Most of the places I worked had large amounts of narcotics laying around and absolutely NO security staff. It's a recipe for disaster, and I cannot believe that something bad hasn't happened because of that. But, I am surrounded by security where I'm at. We have absolutely NO narcotics and we are NEVER alone with the inmates. How much safer could it be?? The one time someone started to attack, within 15 seconds we had so many officers in there, you couldn't stir them with a stick. NO ONE messes with us! It's awesome!!

Next up: "What on earth do you do when you see them out??"  OK, that one did worry me when I first started. I am still cautious when I am out. I keep a better eye on my surroundings than I ever have. But, I really haven't had issues. As funny as it is, I've ran into a lot of our, ahem, clients out. And, I am amazed that they are actually super nice! They usually tell me how they are doing. Then, a lot of times, they want to introduce me to their family! "This is Nurse Emily! The one I told you about!" Makes me wonder what their dinner conversations are like...

I love to talk about my job. I love to tell people the day to day pieces of it, but due to confidentiality, there is a lot I can't say. But, I thought some of you who don't work in this field might get a kick out of this. Ask me about my job any time you want. I can guarantee you I've got a story or twelve that'll make you laugh your butt off!!!